


Regret doesn't change anything

by UnknownScribes



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: But he isn't present, Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hank Voight Needs a Hug, I Will Go Down With This Ship, It isn't even late so if it sucks that's wholly on me and I'm not complaining, Justin is mentioned, M/M, Unbeta'd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:35:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21783052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnknownScribes/pseuds/UnknownScribes
Summary: Hank reflects on one regret, well a kind of regret he'll live with for the rest of his life.
Relationships: Antonio Dawson/Hank Voight
Comments: 2
Kudos: 45





	Regret doesn't change anything

It had been a year since Justin was killed, since that bastard put a bullet in his brain, and Hank was no more healed now than he was then. He didn't show it, but Antonio and Erin could see it, he still suffered the loss. He acted tough but deep inside he was still torn apart. I wasn't any different now, he was no more over what had happened, he'd never be over it. He could only bide his time until the wound healed into a scar he could try to ignore.

Hank laid in bed, incapable of sleep, guilt and regret eating him up. There was so much he could have done differently, when Justin was a child and an adult. He could have done differently during and after the time of Justin's death. He should have done it differently. He choked back a small sob, burying his face in his hands, trying to calm himself. His shoulders shook with his sobs, broken as he drew in shuddering breaths. He looked to his clock, 2 AM, it was late nights that were the roughest. The hours he was alone were those he dreaded, the hours he hated most. He drew in a slow breath and reached for his phone, he held it in his hand, turning it over a few times before finding the courage to dial.

"Hello?" A drowsy voice greeted him, "You okay Hank?" 

Hank let out a shuddering and broken sigh, "No." He said, he forced it out, because he knew he would otherwise lie.

"I'm headed over." Hank sighed at the words, but hung up, sitting with his arms wrapped around his knees, just crying into them. He heard a car roll up, but he couldn't be bothered to move, he just tried to pull himself together. He wiped his face dry, rubbing his eyes, getting himself back to some semblance of almost okay, even though he wasn't. The lock on his door jimmied and the unlocked, he heard it open and close. He knew who it was, only a few people had keys. He heard footsteps coming up the stairs and towards his bedroom. He was greeted by Antonio's warm yet sad smile, watching as he crossed to join him on the bed. He sat on the edge, wrapping his arms around him.

"It's okay mi amor." Antonio murmured into his ear, hugging him loosely. He guided himself and Hank back to lay, letting Hank rest his head on his chest, watched as he listened to his beating heart. "It's okay." he repeated, rubbing Hank's back gently.

"I hate myself." Hank said softly, and Antonio craned his neck to press a small kiss on the crown of Hank's head.

"It wasn't your fault." Antonio said quietly, "you didn't want it, you had no control over what happened, you couldn't have predicted it." He added, tugging him closer, holding him tighter.

"I couldn't control what happened to Justin, but I could controlled what I did. I regret my choice, every second of it." Hank said with shaking shoulders, tears in his eyes.

"Regret won't change anything, you can't go back and change what you did. Don't dwell on it, grow past it." Antonio said, "It's okay baby." He tacked on, pressing another small kiss on Hank's head.

"I killed him, I shot him. Scum deserved it for taking my son from me, from his son and wife... Every other day of the year I'd do it, I'd be proud of it, I am proud of it... but on this one day, I regret what I did." Hank said, he opened his mouth to say more but was cut off Antonio's, locked in a kiss with him.

"Regret doesn't change a thing, torturing yourself won't either." Antonio said as he pulled back. "You should try to get some sleep." He said quietly, pressing a chaste kiss to Hank's lips. "Tomorrow is a new day." He said said, pressing his forehead to Hank's. "We have work in the morning."

Hank let a small smile cross his lips. "I love you."

"Ti amo." Antonio chuckled, snuggling nearer to Hank, waiting for him to fall asleep before closing his own eyes to rest.


End file.
